I want to invite all of my friends over for a nice dinner. I want to have friends and people around me whose company I enjoy. I want to be surrounded by people who like me for who I am. I want to treat them nicely. I want to be able to buy great quality groceries and cook delicious meals. I want to have a big living room to go there after dinner. I want to have a Nintendo and a projector so we all can play Mario cart together. I want them to feel welcomed and lighthearted when coming over. I want to not deal with noise complains. I want my neighbors to be with us and enjoy the evening. I want to be able to go to a bar afterwards.
I want our group to be able to find a nice table together. I want to see a huge selection of cocktails and other drinks and be overwhelmed by it. I want to have the need to try everything. I want to turn to one of my friends and say that everything looks awesome and that we should return to this bar. I want the staff to be friendly and funny. I want us all to laugh. I want to hear all sorts of topics to be discussed at our table. I want to be able to stand up, go to the bathrooms and not stand in line. I want to meet a cute girl on the way there. I want to ask her how she is doing and how she heard about this place. I want to listen to her how she loves this neighborhood. I want to have some small talk. I want to later tell one of my friends about this cutie. I want to go to her and her friend and invite them to join our group. I want everybody to be excited to socialize and meet new people. I want to discuss what to do next: the night is still young. I want to pull up resident advisor and check what’s going on. I want to discuss the DJ lineup in the clubs. I want some people to say they are tired and causing our group to shrink. I want to have a couple of people left at the table excited to go clubbing. I want to leaf as a group of some of my pals and some newly met girls. I want it to be so warm, that we decide to walk to the club. I want us to get some beers at a night shop. I want us to drink, talk and laugh on our way to the club.
I want to easily get into the club since we know the bouncers. I want it to be, because we come to the club a lot and always stay for a chat talking with the people that work their. I want those employees to recognize that and not to let them think we see us as someone better or as some sort of VIP. I want to have the feeling that we are in a familiar environment. I want to have the feeling that I belong into this neighborhood, into this city. I want to get searched by security. I want to go through the hallways and hear the bass pumping through the walls in a muted way. I want to hear the music clearer the closer I come to the dancefloor. I want to hear the melody, the snares and the claps. I want to take one shot of liquor with the people I came with before going on the dancefloor. I want each of us smiling and with an inner feeling of excitement. I want to split of with the people for now and go dancing. I want to stand at the very back of the dancefloor looking at the lights, the sound system and the people in front of me. I want to think about the easiest way to go to the front. I want to dive into this mass of people. I want to feel their sweat, their body heat and their motions. I want to lightly touch them, smile at them and gesture that I am going to the front. I want to feel the bass getting more and more intense as I get to the center of the room. I want to feel all my body vibrating. I want to get goosebumps from the sound that falls onto me like rain. I want to dance. I want to close my eyes, to forget everything and everybody around me. I want to feel the music and be absorbed by it. I want to open my eyes again and be greeted by a buildup in which all people raise their arms and start cheering. I want to feel the kick setting in again and the whole energy of the room bursting. I want to shout and to smile. I want to look left and right and see all those happy faces around me, feeling the same energy and smiling back at me. I want to feel a tap on my shoulder and another regular greeting me. I want to hug him, pulling him closer to me and for a second standing like this together on the dancefloor. I want to kiss him on the cheek and tell him how happy I am to meet him. I want to make plans to later meet on the terrace for a smoke. I want to stay dancing for a bit longer. I want to see those colored lights, those strobes and the fog for a bit longer. I want the DJ to jump from one song to the next one taking the crowd on a musical journey. I want to get away from the dancefloor for a moment and catch a break. I want to go to the back of the room. I want to smile while going this way. I want to take the hand of a girl smiling back at me and spin her in such a way, that we switch places and I can easier get to the back of the room. I want to pull her a bit closer and look her straight in the eyes. I want to kiss her. I want to hold her by the hips, close to me, moving to the rhythm of the music. I want to whisper into her ear, that I am going outside and I am looking forward to meet her later again on the dancefloor. I want to give her one last kiss. I want to keep it nonchalant.
I want to feel the cold air on my skin going onto the terrace of the club. I want to see my friend standing in the back talking to some people. I want to join them and get in touch with some new people. I want to listen to each of their stories and where they’ve been before coming to the club. I want to hear which DJ they are the most excited to hear this night. I want to see the girl from the bar passing us. I want to tap her on the shoulder and asking her how her night has been so far. I want to exchange our feelings towards the style of music. I want to tease her a bit about her fucked up shoes. I want us going back and forth at each other. I want to take her hand and go back to the dancefloor. I want to feel our bodies next to each other moving at the same pace dictated by the music. I want to have the slightly bitter taste of beer in the back of my throat. I want to slowly go up and down the girls body with my hands. I want her to face me and press her lips onto mine. I want to feel her tongue in my mouth, the sound system tickling my belly and the lights flashing. I want to loose myself in all those emotions. I want to experience it again and again. I want to get more drinks and I want a smoke. I want to to loose orientation and forget where the floor or the ceiling is while I am standing in the middle of the dancefloor. I want to breath in the heavy smoke. I want to be hit by waves from the smoke machines mixed with people smoking cigarettes and joints standing next to me. I want to sweat and be disgusting. I want to stop caring. I want to whisper into the girls ear to get an Uber back to my place. I want to to take her hand, leading her back to the wardrobe. I want to text my friends, check on them and wish them a great remaining night.
I want to stand in line eagerly waiting for our jackets. I want to buy a pack of gums and a sandwich at the small kiosk next to the wardrobe. I want to step out of the club while the sun is starting to rise. I want to see the shift in the color of the sky. I want to experience the light blue color at the beginning of each morning and see the difference to the dark black sky at night the last time I have been on the terrace. I want to open the door of our ride such that the girl can get inside. I want us to silently look outside of the window while we drive through the city. I want to see it getting brighter by the minute and the sky turning orange. I want to feel tired. I want to prepare us a drink when coming home. I want to turn on some chill music. I want us to take a shower to clean our sweaty bodies and our exhausted minds. I want to crawl under the bedsheets. I want to wake up in the morning to a smile next to me. I want my room to stink like an ashtray. I want my cloths to be soaked in the scent of Marlboros. I want to go on the balcony and have a smoke. I want to come back inside and prepare some food. I want to look at the girl standing there in one of my oversized hoodies. I want to look at her and say: “What an amazing night — I loved every second of it!”
I want the old normal. I don’t want the new normal.
